Sound of Silence
“I’VE CRAVED SILENCE. DON’T WE ALL?
That stillness, that nothingness, that freedom...Yesterday, I had that moment. Complete silence. Sitting there, on my mat, in my house, staring out the window, waiting for the clouds to move, wondering why there was no wind and then realizing that there was no noise. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts.At first I thought it would be awesome. Then the silence scared me, my thoughts scared me.
I wanted to get up. I wanted to pick up my phone and aimlessly scroll through Instagram. I wanted to turn on Pandora. I wanted to fill the very space I thought I craved. I wanted to just not think, to just get back to being busy.But I didn’t give in to the uncomfortable. I made myself stay. I sat there, eyes closed, and just attempted to feel the stillness. The reason for the uncomfortable? silence allowed me to think, and in that space of realization I felt also my breathing. Short, shallow, tight.That's how I live! Short with my patience, short with my schedule, short with sleep. Shallow, afraid of challenging things, not trusting my capabilities.Tight, always waiting to deal with the next thing.I relaxed and made myself breathe.At first, the breath was small, little, forced. The lack of breath surprised me.
Yet, again I made myself breathe. And gradually air was forced deeper into the lungs of mine. Lungs equipped for a whole bunch of oxygen that I was denying them.I was afraid to be still and listen to the needs of my heart. Instead, I filled life with busy and to-do lists in an effort to stop myself from looking at the reflection in the mirror of a girl desperately in need of a breath and in need of one
Permission to be me, to fail, to try, to let go, to not get everything done, to be okay with taking a break, to see all the tries not the failures, to focus on the good, to love myself, to let the tears fall, to feel uncomfortable, to stumble, to take a deep breath, a breath of life! Then suddenly, not even my thoughts were there. There was only bliss.
I don’t know if you’re like me, living on shallow breaths, tight and short, but my dear friend, I am writing you today giving you one thing: PERMISSION.”
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